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Russell Geoffrey Edward Payne-Webb

The happiest day of my life was when I found out I was expecting my first born child.
I went to the 20 weeks scan 27th Dec 2013 and was so excited about finding out whether I was expecting a boy or girl ! Halfway through the scan the sonographer excused herself and went to get the main person as she was worried about his lungs. The sonographers came back and said they thought that the baby had Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (I had never heard of it before) and was told that the were sending me to UCLH for a second opinion on 2nd Jan 2014.We went to UCLH and I was petrified ! We got into the scan room and they told us it was definatley CDH and was told the baby had 40% chance survival and was told everything that was needed to know about the rare condition.I went home numb and gave the baby the nickname NuNu !
NuNu was so lively I couldn’t believe what they told me was true !
I had to go back 3-4 times a month to see how the baby was !
At the 28 week scan I decide to find out the sex and it was a boy ! I broke down crying i was having a son !
The nickname NuNu stuck throughout the pregnancy and everyone called him NuNu !
The survival rate varied between 20-70%.
At 32 weeks I went for a scan to check his heart and it was perfect ! He was perfect apart from CDH !
At 35 weeks I found out that his liver, bowel, intestines etc was squashing his lungs considerably and survival rate went to 50%.
I was told that I was going to be induced at 38 weeks at UCLH !
On 28th April 2014 I went in to be induced but it didn’t work so they induced me again with a different technique.
On 30th April my waters were broken and I decided to have an epidural in case of a c-section!
There was no progress so on 1st May 2014 I was taken in for my c-section and my boy was born 7:13pm ! I cried when I saw his feet as he was taken to be put into the ventilator ! His condition yo-yoed throughout the night !
At 5am 2nd May I went to see him in NICU and I cried as I saw him laying there with all the wires an machines around him.
I was taken away for rest and was told stories by my partner and mum and how excited he was when they went to see him and how he tried to pull out his breathing tube when he saw them so they had to decide to sedate him incase he done it again.
I went back to him at 8am and was told that his condition had deteriorated and that his lungs were so nonexistent that his heart was straining and along with the NICU staff we decided to take him off his ventilator and not to make him suffer anymore or go into cardiac arrest.
At 9am we had him christened Russell Geoffrey Edward Payne-Webb !
At 10am me and the dad was taken to a seperate room to have alone time with him and have our first cuddles with him.
Afterwards the other members of the family came in and had cuddles with him !
We took so many photos it was unbelievable ! At 10:30am he was placed on my chest and his ventilator removed ! At 10:45am he grew his wings in my arms surrounded by those who loved him all the way through !

It was such a heartbreaking moment that all we did was cry !!

Mummy loves you so much my baby boy !
Sleep tight my precious angel we will be together soon but I will always keep you in my heart forever !!