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Harry Steven Linacre

My Baby Boy Harry

Hello my name is Alex and i am 21 years old. During the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy i was on cloud nine. Both scans revealed my baby boy was healthy. We were over the moon. However at 28 weeks pregnant we decided to get a 4d scan to see our baby boy, i remember being so excited to have a glimpse of what my son was going to look like. All was great untill we asked for him to be measured. It was then we got told our baby had cdh. I was hearbroken, i just broke down and cried, how could this happen to my baby. We were then introduced to the consultants who explained to us exactly what cdh was. The minute they told us our baby had 50/50 chance of survival at birth my world fell apart. We were devostated. My original due date was 23/09/12, so they booked me in to be induced on the 16th September. However my waters broke 4 weeks early. On the 28th August 2012 by beautiful baby boy was born, Harry Steven Linacre, weighing 5pounds 14 ounces, it was truely amazing. The unconditiona
l love i felt for him was the best feeling i had experienced ever. Unfortunately  i didnt get to hold him but i did manage to see one of his eyes open. He was taken straight to the incubater and minutes later he was stabalized. It was very very hard seeing him wired up, but at the back of my mind i knew he would pull through and be fit enough for surgery. Unfortunatley at 1.04am on the 30th August all got to much for Harry. He was on the highest support possible and the figures on the machine were not improving at all. It was then we made the heartbreaking decision to turn off his machines. It was devostating, my little boy was being taken away from us after a long 38 hour fight. He died in my arms, it sounds strange but in a way it was the best and worst moment of my life because 2 seconds before he died he opened his eyes to look at his mummy and daddy, which was really comforting but when the realisiation kicked in it was so sad.

However the greatest moment was yet to come, Zoes Hospice allowed me to spend 2 weeks with my baby before the funeral came. They provided him with his own nursery which was cold to keep him in good condition,It was really comforting because i got to do what every mother dreams of doing, holding her baby in her arms, thats something i didnt get to do when Harry was alive. I will never forget those two weeks as I felt as though i had bonded with him and for a short moment i could be a mum to him like i had planned on doing.

4 weeks later everything is still very painful and raw.I have a lovely memory box filled with precious memories. A few locks of his hair, hundreds of photos, his footprints and handprints, his blanket, lots of lovely memories to help me cope with the loss. I go through stages of anger that my baby is not here and that everybody elses is. I cry with sadness of how i miss my baby boy and why it has happened to us, but most of all i cry with happiness knowing that we created such a beautiful baby boy and how much happiness and joy he brought to our lives even though it was cut very short.

I will never ever forget you Harry, you will always have a special place in our hearts. We will think and talk about you every single day. You are my world.

Sleep tight son, I love you very very much, lots of love from mummy and daddy x x x

‘only hours in my life, but forever in our hearts’

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